im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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