Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Randomize
