you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
