True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
