Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
