I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize