i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
