Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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