Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
