you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
