Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
