I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
