Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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