i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
