Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Randomize
