Jerry, you need to find god
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
