Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
he quoted the bible to break up with me
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
