I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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