Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
