"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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