P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize