I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
My dick has a subreddit
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
