And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
