absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
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