kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize
