Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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