is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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