Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
