He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
