if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
