i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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