This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
