Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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