I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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