Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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