Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
