I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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