i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
