Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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