Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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