Hey man sorry I got all grabby
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
