He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
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