i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
