I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
