I smell stomach acid.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
