look no pants
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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