yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
