i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I checked into jail on foursquare
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize