I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
