Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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