I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
