I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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