May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
