I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
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