i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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