I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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