i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
he fucked my hip out of place.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just want nice things and good sex
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize
