guys are not supposed to queef...right?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
