he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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