I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
