Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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